The fact about Kern borrowing "Dardanella" for "Ka-lu-a" crops up
in the MMD about twice a year (most recently in MMD 010826), and I
promised myself that next time it turned up I'd transcribe the
following.  While the Dardenella case is pretty well known, none of the
previous discussions have mentioned this apparently heartfelt diatribe.
Surely an odd subject for a song!  I'd be interested to know more about
it.

Transcribed from Duo-Art 18505 (played by Henry Lange), 1923.
Punctuation is as given on the roll.

  The Thief (Fred Fisher) [New York: Fred Fisher Inc., 1922]

I'm hot on the trail of a thief who has jumped his bail,
He's slick he's quick as he can be.
He's here he's there he's ev'rywhere
Good people, listen to me.

Have you heard the thief. He will steal in your heart
Have you heard the thief he is clever and smart
Sh! I can hear him mumbling
Listen it sounds like "Stumbling"
Grab him just nab him for he's the very fellow who stole "Dardanella"
He steals words or music old and new
He's a bird he's got a record too
Of the band he's chief and just to be brief
I framed him and named him the thief.

Faust, ev'ryone knows
From it you stole "Broadway Rose"
From "Chopin's" waltz "Chasing Rainbows"
From "Dardanella" you stole the bass
You steal, you do not compose.

(Then 2 repeats of the main verse)

Julian Dyer